First yr, or so - it was oten so fierce. Lean on folks to help you through those bad bouts.
She had an unexpected sort of sudden problem that was very exacerbated by a weird infection's complication about 20 yrs earlier. She was 86. It was extra sad bc 2 of her brothers, and her one sister
lived to about mid 90's w pretty sharp minds.
She was on the smart side, loved science, nature and art, highly creative design wise in crafts, trained as a dress maker - our clothes were superbly made, cared about justice & equality and taught us, excellent cook, loved to have fun.
She shows up in my dreams (though she had terrible asthma at times there'll be a scary dream; usually they're good ones).
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Here's a thought as you feel up to it...get a sturdy notebook, and write down the good, and wonderful memories of her. That way you always have it.
Take each minute, hour, day, week, month at a time.
If you're prone to fighting tears - don't when you're home. Allow grief. It's different for everyone how it unfolds.
[ May seem an unusual example how grieving can happen: I love architecture. At my art & architecture school '70 - '74, we made fun of the original world trade tower buildings 1 & 2.
Then I worked in Tower 2 '80 -'81, 73rd flr (2 elevators!) north east corner. The views were incredible!
9-11: I was heading to the subway from Brooklyn when I found out while I was listening to the radio that the building fire disaster (bc I turned on my walkman around 10 AM) I was listening about and they did Not reiterate that it was The Towers - till both had collapsed. I ran back home, cried hard into my pillow then totally stopped.
It wasn't till I got to U2's first concert in NYC in sometime ? mid Oct (pre scheduled tour) that as soon as they walked on stage I burst into tears.First time I had cried from that original day. So grief, it can seem weird m, but it's usually nornal in how it manifests differently people]
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