I don't know if this is okay to put here

[slightlv]

33. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Madame...

They are taken to heart with the love proffered. Beyond being the oldest in the family, I've been Pagan for over 40 years now, and it's usually MY job to help people through these situations. Also having a psych degree, I'm reminded of the old adage, "Physician, heal thyself." The HP who could and has ministered to me in the past is about 1.5 hours away on a good day. In a blizzard? I wouldn't even ask.

I do have covenmates around the corner and up the street from me. They will do whatever they can, I know. And I have a best, close friend who just spent New Years Eve with us. She will help getting the word out about the funeral to the contractors and government workers who knew both me and mom when we worked up there - after I finally get arrangements fixed.

Brother and sister and I are all on good terms. We've always had our own lives, only my Sis and I are really what I'd call close. I did tell her a bit ago I need her to go to this funeral meeting with me, and she agreed. We'll tell my brother when it is and give him the option. Would be very surprised if he showed up, but that's the way we've worked since Mom's Alzheimer's got bad. Sis and I have taken care of everything, and just told my brother about it.

I am so glad I did do the pre-planning for her. I knew it would help when the time came; I didn't realize how much of a load it would take off my shoulders. At the time, I told Bro and Sis about it all and got their verbal ok. And I think all of us just put it out of our heads at that point - didn't want to think about it. They are free to add or change things at the meeting, and it won't hurt my feelings -- as long as they pay for whatever changes they make. My Social Security isn't going to do anything else. We covered what was lacking when I did the planning the first time, when we had a little money in savings.

My grandson is living with me, and he's trying to help me. Of course, being a guy, he doesn't really know how. But I know he's there, and he's constantly coming up and giving me hugs, which I more than appreciate. Those unrealistic expectations are my downfall... and they don't come from anyone but myself. Where Mom was concerned, I was always there to do whatever needed to be done, especially after we lost my Dad. She and I had a complicated history, but I can honestly say we ended not only as mother and daughter, but as close friends. And, oh... did we have the stories to tell! (LOL)