Not sure who to ask, or how

[Hayduke Bomgarte]

My wife has recently come through menopause, which she did with no assistance, always putting more trust in homeopathic and home remedies much more than modern science/medicine. Of course that combination caused a few years worth of friction. Additionally, Bi-Polarism runs in her family and I've strongly suspected, for years, that my wife is mildly afflicted, judging by characteristics displayed. Obsessive hand washing. Fixating on imaginary filth while showing little concern for actual, visible "filth". What appears to be an almost constantly racing mind. Inability to stay focused on tasks at hand, wandering off to start yet another, leading to regular "mishaps" such as overflowing sinks, saucepans on high flame becoming ruined with the contents scorched beyond recognition, with great regularity. Extreme mood swings, going from normal sweet disposition to fits of blind rage over trivial things most people I know wouldn't give second thoughts to. These "conniption fits", as I call them, never seem to last more than several seconds, during which I'm told regardless of my level of involvement in whatever set her off, how hated I am. Get out of her sight. Never talk to her again. It's very ugly. A short moment later, it's over and she's back to her "normal self". No apology or expression of regret. In fact there isn't ever any acknowledgment that anything out of the ordinary has just occurred. Never.

This has all gone on over the span of nearly 30 years, but has become noticeably much worse and more frequent over the past 5-6 years since she started the "change" and since. Any show of displeasure or disappointment on my part, no matter how calmly voiced, is taken as a personal attack, which sets her off on a "conniption fit", directed purely at me, during which I'm accused of being some combination of a spiteful, hateful, mean, ugly-jackass/bastard/ S.O.B.

I'm not sure I have the patience to tolerate this for much longer, and I have many, many questions and don't know where to turn.

The question I'd like to begin with is: Is it likely that one of us, either of us is treat-ably mentally ill? Both of us? Lately, I have seriously begun questioning my own sanity, trying to understand what I'm dealing with, in order to determine how to deal with it. If it's me, even partly, I'd gladly seek whatever help that seems like it might work. The downside is, my wife would not only never submit to any level of treatment, certainly no medication, and would never acknowledge anything even might be out of the ordinary.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.