I came across this ad on Craiglist

[BainsBane]

17. Here is a version from a month ago, minus Commie blonde

Oh, he's 51 in the ad from a month ago, so he's miraculously gotten 6 yrs younger in the past month.

I really did not know what to write here so I went to the "Women Seeking Men" postings to get some hints. So after reading them, here it goes.

So here is what I am looking for in a woman:
I am looking for a woman who is very pretty with a sexy figure. I am more of an ass guy but nice tits are a bonus. You should work out regularly and be tanned and toned. Look awesome in a bikini and know it. BBW. . ... Maybe back off the Doritos and go do something about losing one of the B's. Get back to me when you look good in a bikini.
You should like sex. You want to please your man and do whatever it takes. Be proud of your body and not worry about leaving the lights on or walking around the house without your ass covered. Enjoy receiving and giving oral sex. Swallowing a bonus! Never use your pussy as a tool to get something from your man. A sandwich works better on me and doesn't piss me off.
You should have a job. Doctors, Lawyers, and Indian princesses move to the front of the line. If you don't make at least 50K a year, don't bother. I already took care of a free loader for 17 years. Time for someone else to help carry some of the load.
You should have a car. If you make 50K, I am sure you do have one. If you still don't, what the f**K. Step to the back of the line now.
Enjoy hanging out with my friends. If you don't, pretend that you do anyway. Being able to watch sports and articulate something about the game other than the color of the uni's would be great.
Don't smoke. . ..gross, stupid, expensive, dirty. If you think smoking makes you look cool, step to the back of the line. If you do not have enough will power to quit. . ..you are a loser too. . ...step to the back of the line.
Drink only if you are a fun and horny drunk.
Drug users. . .step to the back of the line behind the smokers.
Tatoos -- a few subtle ones are ok. One nice red target symbol on the lower back would be great! Give me something to shoot for at the end of a romping doggy session. It would be like being at the arcade. Put threes blobs in the circle and win a free game and we do it all over again!
Piercings -- Not sure here. The tongue things look horrible but if they help with oral. . ...let's give it a try.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers