It took a long time to even think about something longer than a date or two since I don’t find that spark with many people. Sometimes I’ve applied different self defense mechanisms like stickers to see if anything works better than my usual while waiting, but it’s ultimately the loner part that needs fixing for me first, minus overcompensation
I also have stage fright that is also a little bit random, so I know about the whole ‘chance to shine’ bit that can be difficult to define. I’ve backed out of a number of opportunities because I was/felt solo and unsupported in the way I actually wanted/needed and didn’t articulate that that was the case
I give people tons of chances, even if they don’t always deserve them, since, given enough time, people often can change for the better, but it sounds like we both have an issue giving ourselves the same opportunity to get more opportunities, and articulating the words to get to that environment that’s best for finding a partner
(Sidebar: depression itself seems to be caused by magnifying negative aspects instead of neutral or positive ones; sometimes it’s temporarily or permanently uncontrollable for some people, and in some cases there’s just nothing obviously helpful nearby to pull someone out of over-processing. I find totally-good memories or ideas a nice fallback to help recalibrate, no matter how short/long/complex/commonplace; sometimes breathing exercises too. Mindfulness doesn’t work for everyone all the time, we’re all wired a little differently, so mastering that ‘catch’ can be a project at first. Some people even turn them into symbols and make them into art/jewelry/tattoos/trinkets etc to remind them they still exist in dark periods once they’ve found them)
Just keep in mind we’re both fairly young, and you’ve made it into the job you wanted! So stay safe, try to appreciate neutrality when there’s nothing extremely positive or negative happening, and maybe look for ways to become a bit more visible than you’ve been.
I just got myself some new properly fitting suits for the first time for example, I actually feel like I can be visible in any kind setting/workplace for the first time, which is nice (neutral+ if I had to rank it but that still counts as meaningful progress)
Anything you can think of to make that first step out again? I don’t know if there are direct messages on here but I’m happy to help with whatever any time, I enjoy reformulating and rewording until something clicks for someone
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