23 years ago today

[barbtries]

9. I'm so sorry.

Last year was a milestone for you - 30 years. I didn't even expect when Bek died that I'd make it this long. How are you??

By the way I love that name, Casey. Always have.

I really try hard not to torment myself but on Bekah's anniversary I feel like sharing this poem I wrote shortly after she died.

today’s paean to why

There's like a why ocean,
from which waves of why
either tease or soak
my grief-addled mind.
During why's high tide,
nearly drowned in why,
The world abounds with why
All I hear is the sound of why
If it tells me it will have to kill me

When why recedes it is still a mystery
Still cannot know it
while I must respect its immense power over me
Riptides of why swamp me regularly
when I'm rolled crazily around in why,
Powerless to dive away from why
Useless to try dominating why.

On the island why I stop to see
How perseverance can still abide in me
On the mainland why I walk the beach
Hope defying why, the why of life
Is easy to see
By my side or inside of me,
Your spirit your love accompanies
With the energy of a wave
that embodies a natural eternity.