i have never once discussed the grief and anger i still carry over my grandmother's death

[fizzgig]

5. my brain knows my anger at her is misplaced

but my heart still has a hard time of it. i never actually expected my dad to go against her wishes, but i always wonder if he at least stood up for us and told her that we needed to know.

we lost mom's mom in 2001 and she'd been in poor health for years, so it wasn't unexpected and i did grieve for her, but dad's mom was my first experience with profound grief and i was not equipped to deal with it at the time.

(i updated the date of her death, it was the 3rd, not the 26th. i looked at the release date for the dvd and not the game itself). i went right back to work after we got home from the funeral and tried to pick up where i left off. i ended the relationship about three weeks after her death, met my now-husband and then lost my job a few weeks after that. i never gave myself time to grieve and i guess i just sat on it long enough that i started to feel silly for feeling this way.

i know that she love me and am grateful for the time we had together and that's usually what i think about when i think of her. it's just sometimes, mostly when i'm alone late at night, these feelings start to crop up.

thank you for your advice and kind words, and thank you for taking the time to read this.