Sunday is Easter.

[Voltaire2]

20. its stupendous rubbish, 2000 year old nonsense

why on earth would you expect it to make sense?

Anyway, the man-god instance has to die in order to cleanse us of our sins, those sins being accrued starting at birth by just being born due to the unforgivable offense of eating a piece of fruit after being told 'NO!'. But as man-god is an immortal god (and also somehow exists in all times) man-god can only be symbolically dead, not dead-dead. So man-god peeps out of his tomb, sees a rabbit, eats a rabbit egg, forbids rabbits from ever laying anymore eggs, goes around and tickles all his apostles to prove he is back, and then gets into the transporter and zooms to heaven, which is just above the stars and planets, like about maybe a mile or two over our heads.