This thread reminded me of Tom Paxton's song about the pinnacle of American Xian taste in funerals, good old Forest Lawn.
"I'll lie beneath the sand/With piped-in tapes of Billy Graham..."
Forest Lawn - Words and Music by Tom Paxton
Oh lay me down in Forest Lawn in a silver casket.
Put golden flowers over my head in a silver basket.
Let the drum and bugle corps blow "Taps" while the cannons roar.
And sixteen liveried employees pass out souvenirs from the funeral store
I want to go simply when I go
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know
With a casket lined in fleece
And fireworks spelling out "rest in peace."
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn
Oh lay me down in Forest Lawn they understand there.
And they have a heavenly choir and a military band there.
Just put me in their care, I'll find my comfort there,
With sixteen planes and a last salute, dropping a cross in a parachute.
I want to go simply when I go.
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know,
With a hundred strolling strings
And topless dancers with golden wings.
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn
Oh, come, come, come, come,
Come to the church in the wild wood.
Kindly leave a contribution in the pail.
Be as simple and as trusting as a child would,
And we'll sell you the church in the dale.
To find a simple resting place is my desire.
To lay me down with a smiling face comes a little bit higher.
My likeness done in brass, will stand in plastic grass,
And weights and hidden springs tip it's hat to the mourners filing past.
I want to go simply when I go.
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know.
I'll lie beneath the sand
With piped in tapes of Billy Graham.
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn.
Rock of ages cleft for me
For a slightly higher fee.
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn
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