Starself astrology newsletter for July - "The Doorman"

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[center]The Doorman
(This story is given with the permission of my client)
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It was a long time ago. 1919 in fact. She had had a very rough life; in every way. Happiness was not part of it. It showed in her natal chart; 5 planets in Virgo and 3 in Leo. A very unhappy, joyless woman. A scared woman.

One very unfortunate evening in 1939, she and her best friend were brutally raped by two strangers. The effects were very bad as can be imagined. Her friend died a year later; never able to get over the trauma. (The two men were convicted and served 25 years each.)

Throughout her life, she roughed it out, as indicated by the tough Virgo imprint in her nativity. And somehow, 3 years later, she married and bore a child – a boy - a boy whom I’ll call James. He was born with 5 planets in Libra (all in the Cancerian 4th house,) a huge bucket pattern to the MOON in Aquarius in, what else? The mysterious eighth house. In addition, there was Cancer rising and the powerful Moon found itself 2 degrees from exact opposition to Pluto. A karmic face-off for sure.

Then, she had another boy. He died at a young age.

70 years later, James was looking at his Llewellyn astrology calendar and noticed that Neptune was going to go retrograde (apparently moving backwards against the backdrop of stars.) He didn’t know why, but he wondered what that would mean for him. He didn’t know much about astrology. Researching the web (Aquarian Moon) he found the usual warnings about Neptune being deceptive and how retrograde motion often causes us to have to repeat our efforts. Really no help there.

It had been many years since he had an astrological reading, so he asked a friend for a referral if she knew any good astrologers in the area. That led to my phone ringing. “Sure, I have an opening, today in fact,” I said.

James is a very pleasant-looking man. He looks very young for a septuagenarian. He has kept himself in good shape. Originally a Pittsburgher, as is common, he had moved away many years ago.

The astrological reading started as usual; James was very curious. He originally had approached me about his concern for his health, even though he complained of few ailments. I didn’t let him talk much at first.

I was absolutely captivated by the powerful Libra/Cancer/Scorpio basis in his chart. I didn’t want any clues. Here is a man who was very comfortable living alone all of his life. No pals, no gals, no pets. Yet, he liked to socialize – but – no one too close, thank you. He had grown very accustomed to his own little private safety zone, like the crab beneath the rocks. It intrigued me. He didn’t go out; never had any close friends; never considered letting his hair down even halfway.

I was really rubbing my chin because I knew he had been sent to me; I knew his initial prodding by the Neptune Rx was important. Moreover, I considered it a very strong sign because of the ease at which he had attained his appointment. These indicators are very important. I kept saying to myself (and these days, I listen) there’s more than meets the eye here. Eighth house Moon opposite Pluto. I just had to find out what that meant. I knew I would be guided to the “why” he came as we went along. In a natal chart, when the Moon is found opposite Pluto, it can take an astrologer years to actually figure out the dynamics represented. Usually, it means that the child and the mother had ill-defined boundaries – to say the least. Sometimes it’s unconscious and many times it is what is called, “unconscious but with conscious intent.” Thus, the Moon and the Cancerian quality of: “who’s really taking care of whom here?”

Nevertheless, he was with me on the day that the T-square from the Sun and Pluto fed into a powerful Uranus in Aries indicated was his independence day. I had no doubt. He had no idea what I was talking about. I’ve been doing this far too long to miss it now; he was sent to me; he was actually sent to himself.

I saw the indicators, new life reaching out from his deeply dormant plant. New shoots were sprouting.

He wasn’t aware of it, but four seeds had started to show signs of growth. 1) When Pluto went into Capricorn in January 2008, bringing his past forward and starting to open him up emotionally. 2) Uranus went into Aries in May of 2009, opposite Libra stirring him from within to “get past any blockages.” 3) He saw Neptune retrograde on his calendar which was, in my opinion, the Divine preparing him for this reading – because – he was ready. And, 4) The present T-square to Uranus in Aries in his 9th house, his overall philosophy towards life. When your 9th house gets revolutionized, you never see things the same again – and in this new world – you have rights (Uranus.)

So, I began asking a lot of questions about his mother (the Moon.) Almost every time I did, he answered by mildly shaking his head and spreading his hands to each side, palms up, as if to say, “No, you didn’t ask Mother about that.” “Did she have fun with you?” Hands spread. “Did she ever compliment you?” The hands again. “Did she ever let you play with others? Did she ever show you affection? Did she ever tell you that she loved you? Did she ever do this or that?” Hands, hands, hands… He was absolutely mystified that a child could actually ask for something and receive it – that a child could receive positive strokes.

Being a social Libra, whenever he saw kids his own age playing; he naturally wanted to join in the fun. She would tell him, “You stay here right next to me, so I won’t have to be alone!”

The rape certainly didn’t help any either. But, her chart was so barren, that I told him that not only did I think that it wouldn’t have mattered much – she would have been so regimented and unemotional anyway.

The chart just had no water (love, feeling, compassion).

In fact, being so barren emotionally (probably cultivated from past lives) is what I believe “created and drew the actual molestation to her.” He stayed with me. He was shocked, but he was glued, he knew we were onto something much more than just his “health.” It was obvious to both of us that he was sent to my office.

The ‘outside world’ treats us exactly as we treat ourselves

He kept telling me, “You haven’t even heard half of it.” I told him, “At this point, I don’t think I need to.” He stressed how he led a nice, comfortable life and had adjusted very well. I told him that he had adjusted miraculously well, in my viewpoint. Yet, the chart kept calling to me, “there’s more to this story.”

What is the purpose of an astrological reading anyway? Was I to just let him be? He already has found his peace. But remember, this man was a Libra, which means he needs close friends to associate with; he has a powerful Moon in Aquarius which means he needs tons of mental stimulation; and moreover, he has strong Cancerian energy, meaning he needs extra amounts of emotional support. He has been living on ethers more refined than even fumes, and for over 70 years. Yet, he wondered what his future held. He wondered what it could be. With a man in this condition, having been through what he has and having missed so much in life…

I was stunned. I had never been down a road like this before. As I’ve learned, don’t strain and let the answer come to me. It always does. I needed to activate the Libra and Cancer parts of my client.

Whatever mama had said; he would address. She was the law. No this, no that, none, ever. To your room (8th house) with your powerful imagination (Mercury conjunct Neptune in Libra) and your art books. But, here we sat in 2012 with a powerful t-square to Uranus in Aries directly in his 9th house of philosophy. His 12th harmonic chart (past life karma chart) showed Neptune sitting precisely on the top of the chart. (He has had many lifetimes with a strong connection to spirit.) This man was a whole bucketful of mysteries. Somehow, he was very special. He still glowed! I admired how well he had done all of his life while most of his inherent needs had gone unfulfilled. The “good” side of the 8th house Moon opposite Pluto, it seemed to me. Or was it Jupiter rising in his 1st house, exalted in Cancer?

He began to understand my line of questioning and eagerly joined in the investigation. I told him that like most children, he had adapted to his “environment” the best he could so that he could survive. That’s all a child can do. He had moved far across the country for many years and had a successful business. As his mother was reaching her dying days about 20 years ago, he felt a responsibility to return home to take care of her, even though she never was capable of nurturing him one bit. So he fulfilled his duty.

Sitting by her side, while she was on her deathbed, near her last breath, he reached his hand over to hold hers, to comfort her… She pushed his hand away… and then died. Impossible to understand. Yet, he holds no bitterness to this day.

It all came full circle to me when he told me that now and then, he gets the urge to go out. He went out lots of times in the evenings when he lived far away. But, here in Pittsburgh, he’d know which establishment he wanted to go to. He’d get all dressed up; drive to the place; approach the door and just stand there – looking. He’d just stand there. He couldn’t go in. There was an invisible doorman there – his mother. She said, “You can’t go in there. Why think of the trouble you’ll get into?” So, he stood there frozen and obedient to his ghost. Then he’d go home, where he was happy. And safe.

Most of his internal “input systems” were not only shut off; he didn’t even know he had these dormant sparks – until the T-square to a VERY POWERFUL Uranus in Aries woke him up EXACTLY ON THE DAY HE CAME TO MY OFFICE. That’s how an astrologer knows. He doesn’t question the timing. The timing is the very basis of astrology.

(Uranus is like a lightning bolt.) He wasn’t even sure he could wake up or what that would be like. I knew, and I was very grateful to witness another of us awaken from his slumbers. I told him that I was quite sure he and his mother had had the exact life that their souls had designed and needed, but that Neptune (God) Rx showing up on his calendar had been keeping its eye on him. Neptune knew exactly when to reveal Himself.

Now was his time.

I said, “I know how astrology works and I know what my ‘job’ is. My job is to get you past that doorman someday – beyond that threshhold lays your freedom.”

“Maybe someday, you’ll even own a pet, a companion.” His look was beyond astonishment. He had never even neared the part of his mind that might consider such a thing. “Me - and - a - dog?” Like one hand that has just nervously met the other.

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For the rest of the newsletter, go to: http://www.starself.com/newsletter76.html