Which Wolf Will You Feed?

[mntleo2]

5. Believe me I am struggling with the same thing ...

...I have a family situation right now that has caused me deep pain because of betrayal. I cannot forgive this, and I am having a hard time with forgiving that betrayal...but I do know that forgiveness begins with forgiving yourself.

At first this seems counterproductive because if you are the victim, why in the HELL would you forgive yourself since you were the one who suffered the damage? This goes back to the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" thing. You know you better than anyone and like most people, the "you" is far more critical of yourself than almost anyone else. This is where forgiveness comes in because it is saying to yourself, "Yes, this is the way I am, but am I a monster, stooopid, or asking for it because of who I am, what I decided, or where I went? No, of course not!"

Because the victim may (and usually does) have an internal conversation going on where they are asking themselves over and over, "If only I had done this instead of that then this whole thing would never have happened." It has nothing to do with forgiving the perpetrator, it is about one's self first. After one accepts the fact that their "choices" are not the issue, it is the person who caused the damage who is the one at fault, then MAYBE this forgiveness can spread to the one who caused the damage ~ or most often the acceptance that it happened, it was not your fault in spite of the "choices" you made, and your "choices" were not the cause, then you can move on.

Hope this helps ...

Love Cat in Seattle <-----been there done that and I agree that releasing myself from the attachment is not only hard to do but sometimes impossible if the internal questions cannot be quelled.