My father died on June 18th of this year - he was just shy of 87.

[applegrove]

23. I cried all night the night my mom died. She had been sick for a while.

Last edited Thu Oct 3, 2019, 11:52 PM - Edit history (1)

Then i had nothing for the funeral. But then i'm on big meds for ptsd. They say everyone grieves differently. I have some regrets about my mom. So even though she asked me 4 weeks before that she wanted to be gone and i southed her on that and the family was around, maybe i knew i'd be dealing with regrets for a long while afterwards and i was scared and very sad and and we could no longer go for short walks outside and i missed that already so her dying was not as peaceful for me as it was for you. I wish we could have done assisted dying and cut off my mom's unhappy death by 4 weeks. She was ready then. I saw her 5 to 6 days a week for those last years. Don't know. I'll be assessing our relationship for the rest of my life. So no peace for me. My mom and i are both not perfect and made mistakes but both good eggs who would never intentionally hurt anybody else. We are just naive and were swayed by others outside the family. But i'd rather be us than them. So i've gotten that far in 4 years. I am passive like her and have her divergent thinking. Those are some of the things that make me happy these days. So i owe her a lot.

Bet you you'll be driving home in the car during a light rain at night and lights will be all smokey and foggy around you on the streets and you'll think of your dad and cry because he was lucky and so well loved and gave you beauty and joy and life.