Today's the day. After being rescheduled twice, I'm seeing the rude, problematic APN, again.

[Siwsan]

3. Thanks.

I HATE that I can't control this anxiety bordering on a panic attack, this morning. I'm going to spend time cuddling with the kidcats.

Maybe part of the problem with her is she's very young. My previous APN was pretty contemporary in age to me and she had lots of experience.

I've made it perfectly clear that, at 70, I know the odds of me surviving a catastrophic disease are zip. And I have no desire to spend my last years being under constant hospitalizations, surgeries, treatments, etc. I watched far too many family members hold on to false hope and they died horrifying deaths. And there's a strong line of Alzheimer's on my mom's side of the family. Should I get a terminal diagnosis, maybe I'll take up sky diving or roller coaster riding. I'm incredibly terrified of heights, speed, and especially the combo of the two.

That saves me from becoming a burden on my family and also retains my estate for them to divide.

Of course, my grandfather lived to 97, my aunt to 98, my great grandmother to 100 and my grandmother's niece to 104.