Just so sad and scared and probably (hell, definitely?) catastrophizing...

[Moostache]

3. Lean on those close to you for support in person...

While there are great people throughout DU, most of us are remote from your location and unable to provide any more than moral and figurative support. In a situation like yours, you may benefit from counselling or support groups local to you...or family and close friends that can be in the room and listen to you, be a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board to rage at or offer a supporting hug when things feel overwhelming.

I would not wish your troubles on anyone, but this forum is also a legitimate source of comfort and support in a non-physical way too. Sometimes that helps even more than being around people in your everyday life, but everyone is different in that regard.

I wish you nothing but better days ahead and access to all the help you need or want to get through your ordeal.