Can I vent for just a few minutes?

[nadine_mn]

So a little background info about me: I'm in my 40's, am a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, emotional and psychological abuse. I have seen therapists off and on since I was 8. For 15 yrs I was actively self-harming (I still struggle with urges and "relapsed" a few months back) and I have been diagnosed by licensed therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists with major depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder and PTSD. For the last 10 yrs I have been unable to work because I basically had a breakdown and I am struggling every day with basic tasks of living.

I say this all so that I can convey that my mental health is a constant struggle ever since I was a child and I understand the stigma and difficulties such as access to affordable care, being believed, getting consistent treatment etc that come with mental illness.

I have a friend who is very wealthy - I say that only because it will be relevant in a second and also because I try to actively check myself from my bias "you are a millionaire-how are you struggling" ...I know mental illness does not see $$ and it's my own personal bias.

My friend is a few years older than me and college educated. But she throws out terms and diagnosis that, in my opinion minimize mental illnesses. Like when someone says they are OCD when they really are just a neat and organized person. She says this about PTSD..first she said she had PTSD about calling a doctor, at first I brushed it off exaggeration. But then she said it again, this time she has PTSD of abandonment because she has had to change doctors.

After internally screaming, I said...I don't want this to come across the wrong way, but that is not what PTSD is. She got defensive and said well I get sick to my stomach so what do you call it..I explained it sounded more like panic (but stating one isn't "better or worse" just treated differently) and attached in a text some explanations from medical websites.

A few days later she was talking about the medications she takes, the cost and that she has "survivor's guilt" that she can afford it. I bit back the urge to say no..that's privilege, survivors guilt is what some of the Parkland students are facing.

The thing is she states she has some serious mental health issues : PTSD, bipolar, bipolar depressive (which I don't think is it's own thing), and some others I have forgotten. But I don't think she has been diagnosed (at least not in the last 15yrs) by her own admission, she has a doctor that she just tells she has a specific diagnosis (never mentions symptoms) and gets some heavy medications that she sometimes takes. It sounds like her doctor is not very ethical..just one that passes out free samples and doesn't do any follow up.

She has been talking about going to a new doctor for medications (not talk therapy) and she needs to get straight all her diagnoses from the last 18 yrs so she can tell them what pills she needs.

I told her to focus on the symptoms of what she is feeling not labels (because it feels like she has a new thing every month). I explained that being on some of the hard core antipsychotic meds if you don't have the chemical imbalance that needs it to begin with, can make things worse.

We have never met in person, we met online in crafting group over 8 yrs ago, but talk nearly every other day via texts and long winded emails.

I am worried that because she doesn't have insurance and can just pay cash, she has had some unethical advice from her pill doctor over the past years. I am frustrated with how flippant she is tossing out diagnoses that she gets from whatever website she was on last because I feel like it minimizes the seriousness of something like PTSD (which I have and is no joke).

Sorry this is so long... I just really needed to vent. I want to be a supportive friend and not judge her.