tinkering isnt the same as searching bravely for the right combo. lethargy means they are not right for you. keep looking for one that works, and gives you more energy.
you are certainly not the first to replace booze, etc, w food. that can be just as disastrous as the booze. and again, this is the side effect of many psyche drugs and shows it is not one for you.
and not recognizing yourself? well, it is part of you, maybe as destructive as your earlier behavior. some of that is very valuable, but so is integrating your wounds and failings into your sense of yourself. natural to try to block it out, but self defeating in the long run.
fwiw, i didnt really come to grips w my relationship w my dad, an alcoholic, until i was in my 60's. it took a sort of accident that i ended up in a place where the good things he gave me were the stuff of my life. also took a recognition of my own failings to forgive him for his.
keep writing is my advice. post here if you like, or just keep it for yourself. but i think writing is one of the most powerful tools we naked apes have of coming to grips w ourselves.
also, i have to say, get a puppy.
honey. we are here.
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