Once she reached a certain age she became "background" in the pictures she had ...in her younger years she was the subject of photos, now she was always off to the side...more like a prop to hold babies, pose with the whole family but never just her.
And I looked at pictures of my grandparents (who I adored and was extremely close to) and saw yup...my grandparents quit being the main subjects of photos.
So on a visit (they were in their early 70's) I took some photos of just the two of them...with them as the main and only subject. They were sitting on a bench (my grandparents were deeply in love until they died and had always been flirty and affectionate with each other) and I said ok give each other a kiss...and they gave each other a chaste kiss on the cheek. I said...awww come on...kiss like you mean it. And my grandpa got this twinkle in his eye and said "like this?" and placed a proper smooch on my grandma smack on the lips. She giggled and blushed. The next photo was my grandpa waving me off with one hand while he was still kissing her, so my husband and I took the hint and left.
That photo of them kissing is one of my favorite photos of them. In that moment they weren't my grandparents or a cute old couple... they were Pete and Margaret, a couple who were still madly in love.
I worked with elder victims of abuse for a few years, and how they become invisible...to family, medical professionals, society as a whole broke my damn heart. I had so many of my own misconceptions shattered. And I became so angry...so angry at how they were constantly dismissed. Ageism is such a huge barrier to getting proper mental health or physical health treatments.
At first it was so easy to say oh well that generation didn't talk about mental health. But trying to find professionals that SPECIALIZE in geriatric mental health care was nearly impossible. Pediatric care all over the place, practically tripping on doctors wanting to treat kids.
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