How to stay motivated in the face of repeated failures?

[Locut0s]

So one of the things I'm really struggling with during this recent breakdown is how to get back to the point where I feel like doing anything at all. I've been on the secondary education wheel since 2001 and have yet to show even a certificate or diploma for it yet alone a degree of any type. In between that I've worked retail jobs for about 5 years. Either way these breakdowns keep getting in the way of progressing any further. The pattern is, I do 2-3 months or school or a few years at a job and have a breakdown and flush it all down the toilet. Then I spend 2 to 3 months in a near suicidal depression at home eating and sleeping (I'm still in this phase from my recent breakdown though getting slightly better). 5th time through this cycle and I'm starting to wonder if there's a point to it all any more. I'm not the type who feels comfortable going on disability or falsely collecting welfare or anything so I almost feel at times I'm destined for the street, and the scariest thing is the thought doesn't always scare me, I picture the worst of the adjustment taking several horrible months then you would settle into a monotonous depressing street life which again I don't know why but somehow the thought is almost comforting at times.

At any rate the key thing I suppose is how do I get back to being even the slightest bit motivated about my life in the face of these constant failures? I used to feel pretty good at the start of many semester or jobs but now I just feel it will inevitably turn out bad. Even if it DOES start out good I have to go a year or more before I feel I've broken any new ground in terms of being in new territory emotionally, that's a long time to wait for the other shoe to drop all the time.

Further more what direction do I even point myself in now? 10 years ago or so I could have told you easily my favourite topic was physics / math and that's where it looked like I was headed in. A few breakdowns latter and I was saying some general science degree, though that was looking kind of dim. Another couple of years and it looked like I'd be working at 7-11 for the foreseeable future, but hay I was good at that and things were going well. Then that failed too. Then I tried computers and like everything else I was good at it academically but had another emotional breakdown. Now what? Don't really feel like going back to retail. I have the smarts for most degrees out there but I just keep bashing my head against an emotional brick wall. I've been thinking off and on of trying a trade profession like electrician. They pay quite well, are hands on and have a good meditative quality to them. But even here you are looking at 4-5 years before you are making any real living, it's surprisingly years of school and apprenticeships at crappy salaries. And I don't know if I'd like that world either in the end.

I'm back to being 16 again both emotionally and in terms of job prospects and I'm 31. I know lots of people tell me 31 is still young and I know the factual truth about this. There are people who don't get launched till their 50s, and I've seen a few "lost" people in my travels backpacking around the world in their 50s and 60s. But these certainly are a small minority and I've seen far more this age who lost their way and are just on the streets. I really would rather avoid being a real life "40 year old virgin", both literally and figuratively, working tech support in the back of some future shop (if you've seen the film). Right now even that would be a step up.

To make a long post short, how do I gain even a modicum motivation in this context?