my husband seems to be spiraling downwards again

[hollysmom]

2. My sympathies - kind of been there

But my ex acted this way because he was an alcoholic - the fights with friends, the trouble at work. He was also violent - the whole don't look at me was kind on enforced by going into a rage that he never felt bad about because if I were better and didn't cause trouble, he would not go into a rage - A lot of this went away after he was in AA and went through the 10 step program. It really gave him control of his life and got rid of his anger for years. I consider them the happiest years of our marriage. We got divorced after he decided he was cured and didn't need AA because he would never drink again, but the "dry drunk" rages came on. No violence though, just mean language screaming and breaking things.

Not saying that is your problem, but the "don't look at me" is a big red flag for a lot of problems. BIG.

It is very hard to get people to treat their own depression unless they want to. You can't fix anyone, you can only change yourself and how you relate to people which then changes how they treat you.