I'm sorry, it WAS my fault, and I can't accept being told otherwise.

[Fire Walk With Me]

26. Real fear that mental illness will genuinely exclude you from aspects of existence?

Certainly. If you have raged and feared and been incapacitated by either or both or even something more, being aware of it and naming it is going a long way to own it and move forward into something better. Not knowing and suffering the results, would be mortifying and depressing. You have to take care of yourself and you are doing so through knowing yourself and what may occur due to the involved dynamics. This reduces the chance of the same issues flying out of control in the future (or your sensing an increase and choosing to deal with it effectively before it might manifest as trouble) and this results in a greater capacity to engage in life and living.

You are working upon functionality. If this is being dealt a bad hand of cards, learning to work with them is very important and you appear to be refusing to give up, which is great. The 12-Step programs taught me to suit up and show up regardless, and that was a new thing for me considering how deeply life has and can devastate. It's a bumpy ride fraught with mistakes, but through effort, adjustment to those issues resulting in a better experience.

People are scared of The Other, as we may have learned at some point. However, the more you prove that you can show up, the more they may work with you. Or not. The concept of "the right audience" is important.

Peace be with you always.