Soooo...I think I am depressed.

[bigtree]

8. 'saying it out loud' is a pretty big deal

I agree, right off, with the others who suggest looking into some professional help to provide a reliable guide and cushion of support.

I'd also suggest trying to take whatever is facing you in the way of bills and such as piecemeal as you're able. Sometimes piling it all up in one cart can overwhelm you with more anxiety and worry than is probably necessary.

Although it's certainly not okay to have thoughts of 'doing away' with yourself, those thoughts and feelings are certainly a wake-up call for you to take more time addressing your mental state; and, don't be afraid or embarrassed to reach out for help -- just as you've done so eloquently here, renie.

Best of luck and keep posting!