about my baby

[mopinko]

so, when my middle child went out of control as an adolescent, i was not that shocked. she and i had had a contentious relationship, mostly, and she had always had a couple of unusual traits. when she was dx'd bipolar, i was not shocked. well, shocked, but....

but my youngest has always been her mom and dad's pride and joy. her nickname was perfect. she did great in school, her teachers loved her, never, ever got into trouble. almost always happy.
the only blemish on that perfect was chron's disease. that sort of defined her, i guess, which is not a good thing.
highschool bumped her around some, especially as a frosh. but she got a lot of support from her counseling team, and made it through with fantastic flying colors. but along the way she started have some sleep issues, and some pain issues.
i have fibromyalgia, and it was excruciating to watch her go through the same gauntlet of docs, and tests, and meds, and therapists, and, and, and. finally got her a dx on that, and some decent meds.
along the way she developed some anxiety issues, including a few "ticks" like plucking her eyelashes.
about a year ago, our house was broken into. that seems to be the turning point, or at least she sees it that way. her anxiety got a tight grip on her. she could barely sleep in her own bed, and found reason to stay with friends as often as possible. we saw that she was getting more anxious, but sorta ascribed it to how we had spoiled her.
in september, she was to start college. a private college that had given her a big scholarship. it is a commuter train ride away. a shorter, more comfortable ride than she had had for 4 years of high school. she really wanted to stay in a dorm there. we did see it as part of what was going on with her, both physically and mentally, but really just could not see our way clear to cough up for that. just not fair to the other kids who all get pretty much the same college deal.

as it got closer, the anxiety ramped up, and when the time came to start, she fell apart. mostly it was pain issues, but that really freaked her out. she was 18 and wanting to deal with it alone, and the docs were both scaring and frustrating her. she started seeking some meds for the anxiety, but did not want to see a shrink for it. she spent several weeks trying to get one of her docs to write something. when she finally relented, as you all know, it was a wait.
of course, when she got there, it all poured out. she had been seeing people out of the corner of her eye, and her anxiety had progressed to paranoia. she came home feeling that the doc was very concerned, and he started her one 3 meds, which i think confirmed that suspicion. one of them- valium, apparently let the brakes off some of her compulsion, and she started cutting.

the good part is, tho, that she really saw what was happening, felt supported enough to do the right thing. she checked herself in to an adolescent psyche unit. she was only there for 4 days, but she came out feeling safe.
the wonderful thing about it, tho, was that her big sister was there for her every step of the way, including taking her to the er, and sitting with her through the intake.

she has mostly been hanging in since, getting hooked up with a therapist (and taking me along. joy.) has a new girlfriend. (!) trucking along, working to get better. trying to get ssi, so that the college will help her more. they basically leaned hard on her to take a leave and try again in the spring.

it is a lot less scary this time around, although the few meltdowns have been some real hell coming from my darling baby.

at least i found an anti-d that helps, and am hanging on through my own problems.

blech. thanks for the great genes, dad. and all the rest.