I have read that suicide prevention lines often make

[Wicked Blue]

2. First, a hug for you

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) because you deserve and need it.

I've had rotten days and times, but oh my word the things going on in your life would flatten anyone. And being in severe physical pain with the herniated disc on top of everything else sounds like undiluted hell. I am so sorry for what you are going through, DSK. It is so much harder to struggle with emotional life issues when one is in relentless physical pain.

It worries me that you don't have a therapist. There are lots of tele-health therapists practicing now, and I wonder whether one of them would work for you. The Psychology Today website is an excellent resource for finding treatment. You have the right to interview potential therapists to find out if their values click with yours.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

One thing that's helped me start pulling out of heavy depression is keeping a journal. I've been keeping journals for almost 50 years.

I started journal self-therapy several years ago by writing down anything good about myself. The only thing I was able to set down was that sometimes people said I had a nice smile. Pitiful. But I worked at the list until I had a page of things, and in the process felt much better about myself. The feeling has stuck with me.

Thinking about the future helps. What will I be doing a year from now? What do I want to be doing then?

Wishing you all the best!