well, file this a.m. under-

[Thunderbeast]

3. I don't know how to delicately say this:

W R O N G !

Mental illness IS NOT a result of bad parenting!

Put simply, your son's brain is not wired in a way that makes relationships easy. He is accountable for his behaviors, but the trope of "bad parenting" (especially "bad mothering" ) persists in psychiatric mythology. It was the mis-guided core belief of behavioral science for centuries.

I speak from nearly 20 years on the same journey. What I have learned:

Protect yourself. Do what YOU must do to be safe.
Communicate and enforce clear boundaries in your relationship.
STOP any of your own codependent (enabling) behaviors.
Try to be involved in his treatment team if he has one.
Get help YOURSELF. You can not help him if you are not centered yourself.
Take an honest look at whether YOU are working harder on his recovery than HE is.
Live your life.

Hate the disease...not your son!
Parenting a child with behavior disorders is a really hard road. As hard as it is to believe sometimes, you are not alone.

I truly hope he finds a road to health and positive, appropriate relationships.