Revisiting Boundaries to sort self out after job loss

[OldBaldy1701E]

19. Thank you for your replies.

The issue (one of many, I know) is not that I am being 'mean' to myself. Hell, my main emotion in these regards is anger and disgust at the world, not at myself. I don't know... maybe most people were wronged by others in a way that did not do much permanent damage, but in my case, there needs to be justice. There will be none though. How can there be? We won't even prosecute people who freely admit to crimes because they are rich.

I am a lost cause. Hell, this holiday I was sick as a dog, with some kind of flu or cold, my recently repaired left shoulder is hurting from the abuses it has taken from coughing fits but I cannot do much about it because my insurance has run out on this injury. I also now cannot deny that I have an ulcer. That makes the list of my ailments even longer. Ailments that I cannot address as they need to be. I suspect I may be developing Alzheimer's or something. That actually sounds like a blessing because then I will not remember much about this life. (I suspect that part of my problem is my memory. It isn't what it used to be but I can remember things that everyone else involved seems to have forgotten. That is a good and a bad thing.)

I am sorry, I am babbling. It is 5 a.m. here and I am up because I cannot sleep for too long thanks to this multiple front of being sick, ulcerous, and in pain. Since pain meds are a main source of irritation in my stomach, I cannot do much about it. As stated, my insurance ran out on this injury.