Got some good news today! Equals Glamrock's a piece of shit.

[Glamrock]

So me n Mrs. Glam went and toured a memory care facility Thursday before last. Place is amazing. One of the best in the state. If not thee best in the state. And there are a few slots open!

So the lady that runs that wing of the facility came by today to evaluate mom to see if she could be accepted. I haven’t slept all week in anticipation. What if they say no? Fuck, what if they say yes? Ya know?

So she hung out with mom and ran some cognitive tests. Then she wanted to speak to me. Oh fuck. Ohfuckohfuckohfuck. I had a minor meltdown in her office when we first met, so she knew who/what she was dealing with. We sat down together and she told me that she could see my fear and anxiety. “Listen, I have to put the numbers together (scientific, not financial), but there was nothing that red flagged your mother as someone we can’t take on or help.”

Speechless. And openly weeping, fucking yet again. God I hate this! So, good news for moms future. Better quality of life, maybe slow down the dementia a tiny bit? Awesome. Seriously. Fucking awesome man. I’m so psyched.

And then she left. And I was completely overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and abandonment and relief that I wouldn’t have to deal anymore. And Hence the title of my post. And that’s where the “dude you’re a piece of shit” guilt and hatred for myself comes from. I realize this is best for her. And I realize that me n the Mrs. aren’t equipped or have the time to give her the attention this place can give her. I know I’m doing the best I can by her. But fuck me man. Emotionally? Not awesome and I’m abandoning her.

I’ll tell you this, I WILL NEVER PUT MY WIFE THROUGH THIS. I know it’s not intentional on my moms part. But knowing what I know going through this? I now understand the bravery and sacrifice that Robin Williams made. And that’s the route I’ll take. This has been heart rendering brutal. There’s light now at the end of the tunnel. But the feelings that come with it are just as fucking brutal.

Again, know it’s the right decision. Thanks for letting me blow off some steam y’all.

All me love,
Glam