I am starting to wonder

[True Dough]

8. Sleep is a sometimes kept under lock and key, tucked away where it's hard to reach

I recall being a teenager with panic attacks. Falling asleep at night was almost impossible sometimes. Then, when exhaustion struck and I finally drifted off, despite being sooooo tired, I may sleep only an hour or so and awake to immediate terror setting in. And I mean immediate. I was often amazed (and distraught) that the panic could resume to instantaneously. Then the next bout of sleep could be hours away.

I'd try to calm myself by reading and playing music. Reading would sometimes help me feel drowsy and start to nod off again.

This all played out over three or four years. There were stretches that were so bad that I contemplated suicide. My mom would stay up with me some nights and talk me down.

But then there were better periods where I might get five or six hours of sleep and I'd feel so refreshed. It waxed and waned.

As I matured into adulthood, I still had occasional panic attacks. It would generally last only a few days, however. Life became more tolerable. Good thing I never gave in.

And now, over the past week, I haven't slept much more than two hours at a time, maybe three to five hours a night. Why? We adopted an 8-week old puppy and she needs to go out often for the housebreaking process. Being this sleep deprived reminds me of my teenage years. Thankfully I'm not tormented by panic attacks, but boy oh boy, are my eyelids ever heavy!

Pleasant dreams to you, I_UndergroundPanther!