Need advice, input, listening ear from my DU family

[XanaDUer2]

as I've mentioned here in the past, I'm looking to go out on SSDI due to bipolar and other serious issues. After working since 1987, I just cannot handle working anymore. I'm hoping to apply this coming June. The plan is my doctor taking me out of work, I apply for the short term disability insurance I pay for. They will turn me down, as they did my last fmla work absence. I'll probably need a lawyer again to get my money. I will be applying for ssdi asap. It can take years to get.

After 12 weeks, I can try to get employer paid long term disability insurance for 2 years so I have income while fighting to get my ssdi. I'm sure I'll be turned down.

Here is my issue. I'm the adult child of alcoholics. I take on a lot of responsibility to not let people down, to keep the peace, etc. So, I feel guilty going out of work on disability. We're not well staffed at adequate levels. I go back and forth like, my health or "loyalty" to not inconvenience or stress my coworkers. This job makes my illness worse. In fact, it's part of the reason I've gotten so bad. My doctor, psych, says my health is most important, and my partner says worry about myself. It's just so stressful. My income will drop 50%

Tl;dr my guilty self needs to be on disability and I don't want coworkers mad at me, even though I know I need to take care of me.