Me, anxiety & depression, and the cat

[XanaDUer2]

Hi all: I am new to this forum. I was on DU for years, years ago, but fell away. I am glad to be back, and glad there is a safe space like this.

I suffer from bipolar, depression, and anxiety. I am under the care of a psychiatrist and psychologist, who are both very good. I take medications as prescribed and try very hard to function. My job is very stressful, and I am considering going on SSDI soon. I have worked full time many years, and my doctors think it may be best for my health to be on disability.

I really have no one else to talk to about this. I love animals, and support cat-charities. This entails sponsoring a cat at my usual cat charity. I regularly visit the website to view the cats, and if I see one that "speaks to me", I sponsor them. If I win a lotto, I will donate enough to have them build a new wing!

I saw this cat a few weeks ago, and I really wanted to adopt her. This wonderful, no-kill shelter is about two hours away from me, in the same state, but I would have happily traveled to adopt this older cat, abandoned, with trauma issues from being discarded by a previous owner. I just fell in love with her! I have one cat I love who is FIV+ , and our vet made us promise to not get a second cat. So, we promised.

My sponsored cat was adopted a few days ago. I am so happy she found a home at age 8- she has a funny little face with her tongue hanging out all the time. But I just am heartbroken. I really wanted to adopt her. I keep thinking about this, and it is making me sad.

So, while I am happy for her that she has a forever home, I am so sad that it is not with me, and I keep thinking about this. I also have OCD. I am trying to take my mind off this, and am glad a terrible situation (abandonment of cat, being rescued and taken to this great cat shelter, being sponsored, and finally finding a home) turned out great for the cat.

This has never happened before. I told my psychologist about this, and he was very sympathetic to me.

Thanks for listening. I feel really sad and empty tonight, and also feel like a crazy person for feeling like this.