I'm scared and having some kinda awful thoughts...

[FirstLight]

I have to go to the store again. We've been eeking by on weekly child support and a couple gigs freelancing, but nothing to really get us ahead. So that means I CAN'T do the big shop and stock up for weeks...

Every time I have to go anywhere I am taking life in hand and it's wearing on my sense of safety/sanity.

I just had a thought that I'd better work on getting my room and house cleaned, because if I get sick and die I don't want my kids to have to deal with that.
I'm only 50 and my kids are teens...

...But here I am thinking about what happens if I get sick...who's gonna clean up after I'm gone?

I don't have a mask, just a tightweave scarf I wrap around me. I did manage to get gloves. we have no sanitizer left.
I'm not that good at cleaning...I try to leave my shoes outside and wash hands when I get home.
The washer broke a bit before this happened, so Im worried about clothing.

UGH
I am usually not this paranoid, and my kids are definitely not open for talking to about this. Im also immune compromised to a little fear goes a long way.

thought that maybe posting here would help.