Treading water, but still alive

[Sparkly]

Hi all!

I hope you're managing your journeys -- knowing each of ours is completely different.

A year ago, I'd completed chemotherapy (stage III-B endometrial cancer, of a highly aggressive sort - "very likely" to come back somewhere else, they can't say when). Then I had a late summer and early fall of daily pelvic radiation that was pretty devastating. I still feel the effects of that sometimes and need to go back on steroidal meds.

Meanwhile, I'd already had osteoporosis starting at a relatively young age (I had to ASK a doctor for the DEXA-scan, and sure enough!), and cancer/treatments have made it worse. My bones are like toothpicks, apparently. A few days ago, I broke my ankle. Now I'm in a boot for 8-12 weeks AND on crutches for now...

I was a dancer, choreographer, teacher, so this is very frustrating. Today we were clearing out some old spaces and came across a tote bag from not so long ago that included my dance slippers/soles, bobby pins and big hair claws for the abundant hair I used to have, little teaching props, etc. Even though I'm old, I could have kept going quite awhile longer, had it not been for cancer.

I try to see it from the other side....

I'm aware that every day is a blessing. I live 3 months at a time between CT-Scans. I have a few inches of hair I didn't have a year ago (I like to think it's sort of Ava Gardner?) but it's not the same hair I always had. I doubt I'll live long enough to have that again, but hey, it's not bad hair!?

My body's deterioration has meant a downfall in my career, but I hope to live long enough to prioritize that again, and create work. (I'm also a pianist, writer, composer.)

Best of all, I have lived long enough to see my daughter (for whom I sacrificed a lot, due to her disorder) have a healthy child!! I'd given up on the possibility to the point it feels like a miracle.

Here's hoping for miracles for all of us -- and all of your loved ones!!