Cancer, Cancer, and More Cancer & Other Traumatic Events

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

Last edited Fri Oct 21, 2022, 08:49 PM - Edit history (1)

Some of you may recall my posting a couple of years ago about my father and then last year my husband having cancer. I appreciated the support I received from DUers.

I haven't been on DU much since then, and when I was I pretty much stayed away from this group. So, maybe I have no business asking anyone here to care about my story. And I don't know how to make a long story short. Still, I want to share it. So here goes...

I don't have cancer myself. At least that I know of. But cancer has deeply affected my life. Here's a timeline, including the other more-or-less traumatic events, as well as the cancer involved.

2019 Fall--Setting the Scene: On a trip to Ireland for my brother's son's wedding, my brother verbally abused my parents, and, especially my husband and me. He also physically attacked my husband. This wasn't the first of my brother's out-of-control, abusive incidents. I chose to stay away from him, which caused much criticism of me and division in the family.

2020
COVID-19 disrupts all our lives in many ways both great and small, including disagreement among family members about COVID precautions.

Fall through Winter

My father is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and dies on Oct. 25, after 67 days of home-based hospice

My husband's closest brother is diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia

My mother's only sister dies unexpectedly from no-one-seems-to-know-exactly-what but most likely Alzheimer's

December 26th: My brother--yes, that brother: my parents' only son and my mother's favorite child, no matter what she says-- suffers a fatal fall from a scissors lift, witnessed by his two your-adult sons.
-His widow bans me from his funeral causing more family divisions

2021
April

My dear, sweet husband is diagnosed with Gleason 9 prostate cancer

for which he was treated with:
-a prostatectomy, which turned out to have been far less successful than we first understood
(meanwhile, the cancer was found to have spread to his pubic bone)
-radiation therapy, which apparently no one knows how successful it was
-Androgen Deprivation Therapy (ADT), which has many serious potential side-effects

2022
Winter
My husband continues on ADT, despite side effects causing some definitely bothersome & some potentially serious issues
My dentist extracted a back molar which I don't actually believe needed extraction and which has disrupted my speech and oral comfort
Spring

The wife of another of my husband's brothers was diagnosed with bladder cancer

One of my mother's two remaining brothers dies of no-one-seems-to-know-exactly-what

Late Summer to Fall
After emerging from a not-uncommon-for-me episode of deep depression, I had a burst of energy and positivity. My husband and I joyfully worked together on various labor-intensive chores in our yard and gardens. We were sure we'd accomplish all of our main goals and move on to conquer the years-long-accumlated clutter inside our house by late fall.

BOOM! Suddenly, my back got touchy, as it has so often before. This time, however, it decided no amount of ice, stretching, or chiropractic treatment was going to resolve it. In fact, it's caused severe pain and I've developed a related malady I'd never hear of--foot drop. My fantastic PCP set up & urged me to go to a STAT appointment with a neurosurgeon who ordered a STAT MRI. After which, the STAT just disappeared. I had to wait 4 days to see him for follow-up. The thing about foot-drop is that the longer you have it, the less likely it will be cured. It's been two months now.

The neurosurgeon somewhat cavalierly suggested TLIF surgery, involving lots of hardware, spine immobilization, and a long recovery period. I'd prefer a surgery that simply decompresses the L-5 Nerve root, and skips the fusion, but that seems not to be an option.

Meanwhile, my somewhat-still-estranged youngest sister sends me a CT scan ordered due to unremitting stomach pains. I reluctantly give her my amateur analysis: widespread, aggressive metastatic cancer originating in her uterus or ovaries. The most jarring item in the radiologist's report: Peritoneal Carcinomatosis. Several seemingly legitimate sites call this a death sentence. Prognosis: 4 to 12 months.

Fortunately she lives on Long Island and was quickly admitted to a Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. She was diagnosed with Stage IV Uterine Cancer that appears to have metastasized to her liver, lymph nodes, lungs, etc. She's had had her second round of chemo which was supposed to shrink enough of her tumors to ready her for complete hysterectomy and removal of just about everything in her abdominal cavity. Turns out more chemo is deemed necessary first.

As for my lesser, yet still very disturbing problem, a second-opinion surgeon spends far more time analyzing my case an recommends what he says is a far superior option: TDR (Total Disk Replacement), which he says Medicare will definitely cover it. No fusion! I rejoice!

Two days after a promised call to set up the surgery doesn't come, despite our repeated attempts to contact the PA in charge of this, we finally getting a return call saying, Oooops, Medicare won't cover disk replacement for people over 60. The doctor will do an ALIF, with single-level fusion.

Surgery has since been twice scheduled & canceled, blamed on OR fuck-ups beyond anyone's control. I spend today awaiting a promised 9am phone call with a new surgery date that never came, despite my calling twice.

I'm supposed to call my grieving 84-yo mother, but can't seem to bring myself to burden her again with my fear, frustration, and fury. Not to mention my tears. Nor can I imagine calling and keeping that crap to myself.

Believe it or not, there are countless relevant details I've omitted. And what the hell anyone is supposed to say in response to all of that, I have no clue. But if anyone has made it this far, thanks for hanging in there.