Love Languages, Feminists in Romantic Relationships & Prostitution

[JustAnotherGen]

17. Here's where I bring a different perspective

I've been on over 300 first dates. I'm turning 39 next month - never married and no kids. I have kept journals since I was 9 years old. So I know - over 300.

I've been on over 25 2nd dates.
Same for 3rd dates.

By the 4th date - I've determined someone is not a good fit - and I've learned the answers to my 'key character' questions. I.E. How he responds to a homeless person, a person in distress - very easy to see if out in Manhattan.

It's but a handful of men in my life that we have gotten to relationship status. Consider I spent most of my 20' s in relationships with 2 different men.

I've never accepted a date with a man thinking - I'm going to sleep with him. It's - let's go have fun for a few hours. Nothing more, nothing less. I've never done the 'online' thing - I only meet men IRL or through acquaintances, friends, organizations, etc. etc. - so I can sum up pretty quickly - is there an initial attraction there? Do we have ANY commonality?

I've also never asked a man on a date. Never. Just never occurred to me to do so.


That's allllllllllllllllll the background info for you there!

Dating is just fun. It's supposed to be fun. You aren't supposed to go out with a man or a woman and think after the first date: OMG! We are getting married! Wheeeeeeeeee!

It's that mentality that makes it stressful. It's as I've written to female readers - If you put that much weight into whether you 'like him and want to have sex with and/or marry him' - you aren't REALLY seeing him. Who he is!

Amongst my friends, and me - I would never get mad at a man holding a door open for me. Or pulling out my chair. Or helping me on with my coat. Why? It means nothing other than common courtesy and being polite.

Now granted - the past 7 years or so most of my dating prior to meeting The Gio (including him) were with men not from the USA. They were Israeli, Italian, French, Spaniars, Irish (a breed of men unto themselves), Turks, Greeks, etc. etc. Specifically the Southern European men - they are culturally different from us in terms of 'wooing'. So if I'm going out with a Calabrese male - don't you dare take out your wallet for a glass of wine until you know him very well. It's actually very insulting to him. He's not trying to buy his way into your bedroom, or 'buy' you - i[t's hard coded per Myyyyy Calabrese - that you do that and expect NOTHING in return when you REALLY really REALLY are smitten with a woman.

In general - I think dating has ZERO angst and anxiety associated with it. Not even over who pays (unless there is a cultural difference) - it's just a cup of coffee. It's just a walk and a frozen yogurt. Really? A frozen yogurt or something from Rita's should cause an issue?

I think that you and I have VERY different approaches - but there is a common denominator.

I like men. I do. I just like them. I KNOW you do too. It's very apparent in what you write. I think MOST feminists really do LIKE men. I never saw (read mostly) at the old DU boards and doubt I will ever see these words written or spoken by a Feminist woman, "All men are scum." We don't believe that - because we give what we EXPECT - respect from one human being to another. Kindness. Just basic human decency.


Now, I don't like EVERY man - and I can tell a heartless one, a selfish one, a mean one, a rude one . . . within a few hours. And that's why prior to November 1, 2009 - I dated. I dated a lot. And my perception/gut/instinct about the 'type of man' I was dealing with - never came from who paid for the date. Again - walk down Broadway and see how he reacts to the wonderful vibrant characters that surround you. That would tell me a lot.