On the words "slut" and "prude"

[gollygee]

I read this article about how teen girls are called "sluts" if they send boys sexual texts, and "prudes" if they don't. It made me angry, as these types of articles do, particularly as I have a daughter who will be a teenager very soon.

Why must girls and women get put into these stupid and fabricated roles of "slut" or "prude." We're supposed to find this nonexistent space between the two, where we are sexually avaiable and enticing, but at the same time "nice girls." Both words are controlling and demonizing. It's part of the virgin/whore thing. No one can win and I think that's the point.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/06/18/girls_sexting_study_finds_young_women_are_called_sluts_if_they_sext_prudes.html?wpsrc=upworthy

Here's a bit from the article:

In addition, girls who didn't sext were also described as "goody girls" or "stuck up." So while the technology is new, the ancient sense of male entitlement to demand sexual favors and then mock those who provide them is the real issue at stake here.

On top of the utter unfairness of all of this, it's also hard to imagine that girls have much mental energy left to devote to figuring out what they want when they have to spend so much time trying to strike a balance between pleasing boys and not having boys mock them for trying to be pleasing. That's why this isn't a problem that will be fixed simply by discouraging girls from sending sexts. The real issue can't be solved until we ask why it is, in the 21st century, that so many girls still feel like their sexualities should be constructed around what boys want of them, and encourage girls to realize that it's far more important to figure out what they want for themselves.

[redqueen]

1. Thanks for this post.

This made me think of the dynamic going on in Japan, where so many young adults are just put off by sex in general. I wonder how much of that stems from how out-there porn is there. Men read it out in public. And a lot of it is very disgusting.

Who wouldn't get fed up with that kind of crap going on? Seeing the 'sexy empowered feminist' PR being proved a lie all around you, day in and day out?

I saw a documentary from the BBC about porn addicts who got to go on dates with their favorite porn stars, and one of them said that he first started watching porn at 12, and although he'd slept with 60 women, he only got off with about a third of the time. It wasn't until he was on his date with his favorite porn star and she suggested that his porn use might be connected to his sex life that it occurred to him that there might be a connection.

As many others have said we are conducting a huge experiment on younger generations. Most adults are too oblivious / concerned with their own incomes / concerned with their own orgasms to give a shit. And many state they have no problem with others using porn although they don't, but they won't lift a finger to educate themselves about what it is they're defending, or how easy it is for kids to access.

[Squinch]

2. K&R

[nomorenomore08]

3. "...it's far more important to figure out what they want for themselves."

[ismnotwasm]

4. I was reading this

And I'm so glad you posted it. Girls are still stuck in the Madonna/Whore complex, and that term is how old now?