Bereavement
Related: About this forumMy 41-year-old nephew died suddenly yesterday.
Tom was a firefighter and paramedic in a Chicago suburb. He had been married for 14 years and had a 13-year-old son, as well as four grown stepchildren.
He had some sort of fall at home, I still don't know the details. But he hit his head on something and had a big gash from it. His wife tried to get him to go to the ER, but he refused. That happened on Thursday.
Yesterday, he collapsed at home. His wife called the ambulance. His heart stopped while the paramedics were there, but they brought him back. At the hospital, a trauma surgeon determined that it was a massive TBI and that he'd suffered a serious brain bleed and he wouldn't survive.
His wife, son, parents and one of his two sisters were with him when they shut off whatever life supports they had put him on. The mayor of the town he worked for, his fire chief and many of his fellow firefighters also were on hand. The support was amazing.
This is devastating because it was so unexpected and so fast. He had survived cancer 13 years ago with no recurrence. He was strong, he was healthy, he had years ahead of him.
I last saw him three weeks ago tonight. We talked about the future. Now he has none. Thanks for listening.

DUgosh
(3,118 posts)For your tremendous loss
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)spooky3
(37,654 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Irish_Dem
(72,506 posts)What a tragedy for everyone.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
MontanaMama
(24,501 posts)This is just awful. I am so very sorry, gaot.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)He was way too young.
CottonBear
(21,615 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Rorey
(8,514 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)AJT
(5,240 posts)A sudden death is shocking and hard to wrap your head around. I lost my husband suddenly and I am still lost after 3 years. For his son to lose his male role model during his early teens is devastating. It is a comfort that the family has a support system. Again, I am so sorry for your families pain.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband.
Equomba
(197 posts)My wife and I often talk about how we are just one step away from getting hit by the proverbial bus, i.e. who knows what the next day will bring. I have a 36 year old nephew, married with an absolutely incredible daughter... he could be in the running for father of the year. I can't imagine how I would react to such a death, especially when it appears to be a freak accident.
My thoughts are with you.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)My nephew and his son adored each other. The sun rose and set for them. He's inconsolable right now.
Kali
(56,330 posts)I am so sorry!
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
sprinkleeninow
(21,290 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Cha
(313,092 posts)


greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)

niyad
(125,307 posts)you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Solly Mack
(95,295 posts)Unexpected loss can knock us off kilter. It hits hard.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Thanks.
cayugafalls
(5,885 posts)May you and his family find peace.
cf...
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)I appreciate your kind words.
AwakeAtLast
(14,315 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
Wounded Bear
(62,534 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)I have to wonder if his refusal to get what he needed wasn't caused in part by the head injury itself.
Wounded Bear
(62,534 posts)the kind that says 'rub a little dirt on it and get back in the game.'
This is a sad story, especially for all involved who have been left behind.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Plus, like the rest of us, he was stubborn.
kairos12
(13,368 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)It's hit us all hard.
Desert grandma
(1,070 posts)So very sorry for your family's loss. May you find comfort in your love and support of one another.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Thanks for your kind words.
Demobrat
(10,187 posts)Shocking and heartbreaking for everyone, but adults have had time to learn that terrible things can and do happen. A childhood shouldnt have to end that way.
So sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)He has two much older half brothers, but both live in California. But it'll never be the same.
My nephew was 12 years younger than his wife, so the ages are a bit weird. Thanks.
skylucy
(3,956 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)SheltieLover
(71,837 posts)So saddened to learn of your tragic loss.
Healing vibes on the way to you & your family. 💓💓💓
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)It doesn't quite seem real yet.
SheltieLover
(71,837 posts)And that might be a good thing. Jury is still out on that here, years later.
My heart just aches for you & your family, especially his son.
Please remember to eat, sleep, and do some deep breathing to stay centered.
I'm here if you want to chat.
cate94
(2,985 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
applegrove
(126,923 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)wife, you, the entire family
. Wow, life is so fleeting
You will all be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)And so sudden.
soldierant
(8,742 posts)which carry within themselves as symptoms the resistance to treatment.
They almost seem diabolocal. I hope his widow is not blaming herself for caling an ambulance at the time of the initial injury. She couldn't hve known.
SheltieLover
(71,837 posts)Thank you for bringing this up!
His wife did the best she could at the timd with the information she had.
This will go a long way towards avoiding survivor's guilt.
Ty!
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)But he kept insisting that he would be fine. When the time is right, I'll suggest grief counseling. Thanks.
SheltieLover
(71,837 posts)Yw
soldierant
(8,742 posts)My 76-year life has been affected many times by people with one or the other of these conditions. They break my heart.
And I am reminded of anti-vaxxers - who, unless you believe their disease is mass psychosis (and it might be) don't have that excuse. But I really don't know what to think of them - except that they are dangerous to those round them.
SheltieLover
(71,837 posts)It is heart breaking for sure. 😢
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)I think that we'll all tell her that she shouldn't feel like she did wrong. He told her that he'd refuse to go.
SheltieLover
(71,837 posts)It's important for him to grasp that mom made every effort, too.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)He could have been at school.
SheltieLover
(71,837 posts)💔
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
relayerbob
(7,231 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)We're all wrecks right now.
vercetti2021
(10,449 posts)Sounds like one hell of a man
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Thanks.
murielm99
(32,144 posts)What a sudden blow for all of you. No wonder you are in a state of unbelief.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
MustLoveBeagles
(13,471 posts)It must have been such a shock.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,003 posts)This is beyond sad
Right now my older brother, who is 78 years old, is in hospital with a raging infection. He was supposed to have surgery this morning, removing some masses on a kidney that are probably cancer. At least my brother has lived several decades longer than your nephew.
Such things are devastating.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)I hope that they can get the infection under control. Thanks for your kindness. Devastating is the right description.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,003 posts)She worked for about 25 years as a compliance auditor, meaning she read medical charts to determine if doctors had made the correct diagnoses or inputs of various procedures. As a consequence, she has a very vast knowledge of medical stuff, even if she is not a doctor herself.
78 is getting up there, but not so old these days.
I am one of six children. So far, a sister died in 2017 at age 70. A brother died at the end of December last year, age 71. I know that in the normal course of events we will all pass on, but honestly, it's a bit strange to be losing my brothers and sisters.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)But when it's the younger generation, it's hard to take.
Hugs to you.
Granny M
(1,396 posts)Deepest sympathy to you all.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)GPV
(73,306 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)livetohike
(23,541 posts)sympathy to you and the family. May the love and support of family and friends comfort you and May the memories of your nephew and the stories you will all tell keep him alive in your heart .
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
sinkingfeeling
(55,937 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)brer cat
(27,027 posts)It is tragic to lose someone so young.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Thanks.
sheshe2
(92,929 posts)My heart goes out to you and yours.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)It's still unreal.
Ilsa
(63,043 posts)Noted to remember: Head trauma should always be checked out for bleeds, shifting mass, etc.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Thanks for the wishes.
George II
(67,782 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)CentralMass
(16,319 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)IbogaProject
(4,667 posts)Condolences to you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(166,503 posts)Your nephew's family will be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Upthevibe
(9,653 posts)I am so very sorry....
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
JohnSJ
(98,883 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)onecaliberal
(36,594 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)femmedem
(8,522 posts)I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. It must feel surreal. Devastating but surreal.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Thanks very much.
Goddessartist
(2,167 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)mcar
(44,944 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
BumRushDaShow
(156,878 posts)Just seeing this. So sorry to hear this and it is so tragic. Am sending my condolences to his family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)The fact it was so sudden makes it harder to deal with. And he was so young.
marble falls
(67,049 posts)... for your family.
I also hope your foot is better. We don't run into to each other much lately, but I do think of you!
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Just saw that the wake is on Thursday, which is also the triplets' 21st birthday. And seven hours of it! That's probably because of the firefighter angle.
The foot is much better, thanks. I hope that you're doing better as well. I think of you as well. Maybe we'll both be back in MIRT soon.
marble falls
(67,049 posts)malaise
(286,817 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)This is so hard to process.
malaise
(286,817 posts)It was sudden and he's young - those are the hardest ones to process
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)CaptainTruth
(7,778 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
sueh
(1,903 posts)sudden tragedy. I'm sending healing vibes to you and your family. (((hugs)))
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)wryter2000
(47,915 posts)What a horrible loss for your family and his.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)It's still hard to believe.
calimary
(87,102 posts)So sad to hear.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you know that lots of us here are sharing your grief. What with COVID and the advancing years, almost every one of us has been touched by sorrow and loss. So we can empathize as well as sympathize. You won't be mourning alone.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)

LoisB
(11,106 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)dlk
(12,790 posts)Sending wishes for comfort and peace for you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)dlk
(12,790 posts)My heart goes out to you and your family.
mahina
(19,915 posts)To hold this.
Thank you for telling us about him.
Ill be thinking of you all, and him. Aloha.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)He was lucky enough to be stationed in Hawaii during his Army years. Loved it there.
babylonsister
(172,236 posts)greatauntoftriplets.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)live love laugh
(15,648 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
yardwork
(67,260 posts)A friend of mine died the same way. He hit his head and didn't think anything of it. A few days later he died suddenly. It turned out to be internal bleeding in his brain.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)I'm sorry about your friend. The moral of the story is don't screw around with head injuries.
yardwork
(67,260 posts)I hope you're doing well overall.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)I'm hanging in there. Thanks.
UpInArms
(53,141 posts)

((((((((HUGS)))))))
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)
Doodley
(11,197 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)Thanks very much.
Susan Calvin
(2,320 posts)I was going to say a bunch more about me, and how I relate to this, but that's not what you need right now. I am just so sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)If you've been through this, you know how hard it is.
SpankMe
(3,535 posts)Wife, kid, step-kids...it's a big loss.
People must not defer treatment for potential brain injury.
Bless you and bless the family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,975 posts)He was a paramedic, he should have known.