July 5
July 5, 2025
Happy Birthmonth Mom
I love you.
I miss you.
This morning, a tiny little spider got stuck in my hair. I had just seen it, on the back of the bathroom mirror, so seeing it in my hair was a little bit of a surprise.
Getting it out of my hair was easy. Getting it off my hand/ arm ... not so much. Which is why I don't like to pick up or handle small insects. They have a tendency to not want to vacate something they've decided is safe, making relocating them a little difficult. Because the last thing I want is to relocate a small precious life only to accidentally hurt it.
And this little spood or sling was pretty much that way. It refused to get off my arm. And when I offered it a thing to crawl up on, it just went the other way. And did I say it was tiny? I thought it was an ant at first! We did eventually part ways. I figured it was likely a cobweb spider, so I let it stay in the bathroom. They are good little pest controls to have around. Even if it wasn't, there are probably enough provisions for that little one to last it a while.
I loved Lucas; but for some reason, I can't watch the episodes in a row. I remember feeling more and more anxious if I tried. WTF is up with that?
I miss sharing my observations of insects and small creatures with you. You have said how much you appreciated my pictures and information about them. I hope that was true.
Remember the little kitchen jumping spider? How, when you found his... probably hers, actually, little gone remains, how you cried? That was so endearing. And also kind of confusing to me.
Mostly, I guess, because I didn't feel the sense of respect or compassion when I felt sad over something "small" - like the passing of one of the first "talking husky" I remember seeing on Youtube. I felt like I wanted an acknowledgment of my grief that I felt you demanded. I do not understand these things. They hurt, but there never seemed to be space for that to be discussed.
Discovering Antman's Hill was such a blessing. And that would not have been possible without your support. The seed was going to the Theologian in Residence talks at Tusculom (what's w colleges becoming universities??).
There were those magnolia trees there at the building the talks were in. Thank you for letting me try to collect some seeds.
Turns out all the seed cones were empty! lol. But while I was picking them up, I chatted with a couple of very nice ladies, and they told me about Antman's Hill. What an excellent source of info they have been.
I still don't have any magnolia trees. *sigh*
I enjoyed those talks. I enjoyed seeing you out and about, talking to people. And I REALLY enjoyed the snacks and lunch! LOL
They reminded me of being at Pfeiffer. My first year there was pretty good. About the single best year I ever had in academia. Too bad it only lasted a year.
But I loved the cafeteria. The choice of foods, the salad... the cereal salad...
When I worked at the Bowling Green cafeteria, it was so dismal by comparison. There was a sense of need and want that was lacking at Pfeiffer (and Tusculum). Ummm... that almost seems like a bit of an oxymoron to put it that way! Pfeiffer and Tusculum had a sense of providing that Bowling Green lacked in many ways.
A sense of providing the food without judgment - at least that is what I felt. Is it funny that because I didn't feel required to be grateful nor required to eat, that I felt grateful?
Why is food and care such a fraught issue?
There are things that every living thing needs just to live. Why are they also so linked to oppression? Even when these things are provided for, there are so many strings attached that the web of them is itself a hazard.
I don't have any answers, really. I guess.
I miss you Mom. I miss being able to share my love for the little creatures with you. Nobody I know now is really that interested.
I love you.
Happy Birthmonth