Welcome to DU!
The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards.
Join the community:
Create a free account
Support DU (and get rid of ads!):
Become a Star Member
Latest Breaking News
Editorials & Other Articles
General Discussion
The DU Lounge
All Forums
Issue Forums
Culture Forums
Alliance Forums
Region Forums
Support Forums
Help & Search
❧The New Machine❧
A man is forced to get a checkup by his health insurance. The doctor excitedly says “we just got this new machine that can accurately diagnose any condition you may have - you just need to pee in this cup…”
The man is like, “what the hell” and pee’s in the cup. The doc comes back with the results and says: “you have a strained elbow.” The man is enraged and says how THE HELL can you say I have a sprained elbow from my PEE?? The doc says, the machine is always accurate. The man (leaving the office fuming) formulates a plan and decides to break the machine and make the doc a laughing stock. He goes home and after explaining gets his wife to pee in a cup, his 20 year old daughter to pee in a cup, puts oil from his car in a cup and jacks off in a cup. He mixes it all together and goes back to the doc the next day.
The doc looks concerned after his prior outburst, but the man says, sorry lets just try the machine again, I had a bad day the other day and just want to be sure. The doc says “OK! You know the procedure” and hands him a cup. The man pours his secret mix while laughing to himself and gives it to the doc. The doc pours it into the machine. The man is waiting for an explosion, smoke or something. Nothing happens the machine just clicks and whirs… finally a long long printout comes out from the machine and the man agitated says “OK DOC! What is it!!” The doc after looking over it thoroughly says, “Sir, the machine says your wife is cheating, your daughter is pregnant, your car needs an oil change and if you don’t stop jacking off you will never fix that strained elbow!”
The man is like, “what the hell” and pee’s in the cup. The doc comes back with the results and says: “you have a strained elbow.” The man is enraged and says how THE HELL can you say I have a sprained elbow from my PEE?? The doc says, the machine is always accurate. The man (leaving the office fuming) formulates a plan and decides to break the machine and make the doc a laughing stock. He goes home and after explaining gets his wife to pee in a cup, his 20 year old daughter to pee in a cup, puts oil from his car in a cup and jacks off in a cup. He mixes it all together and goes back to the doc the next day.
The doc looks concerned after his prior outburst, but the man says, sorry lets just try the machine again, I had a bad day the other day and just want to be sure. The doc says “OK! You know the procedure” and hands him a cup. The man pours his secret mix while laughing to himself and gives it to the doc. The doc pours it into the machine. The man is waiting for an explosion, smoke or something. Nothing happens the machine just clicks and whirs… finally a long long printout comes out from the machine and the man agitated says “OK DOC! What is it!!” The doc after looking over it thoroughly says, “Sir, the machine says your wife is cheating, your daughter is pregnant, your car needs an oil change and if you don’t stop jacking off you will never fix that strained elbow!”