An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus & was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter

[justaprogressive]

welcomed her.

“Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher orders. We’re instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you’d like to go for all eternity.”

“Actually, I think I’d prefer heaven”, said the woman. “Sorry, we have rules…” at which St. Peter put the HR manager into the downward bound elevator.


As the doors opened in Hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends, past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks, and they talked about old times.

They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil (who was actually rather nice) and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing.

Before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the harp and singing; which was almost as enjoyable as her day in Hell. At the day’s end St. Peter returned. “So,” he said, “You’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven”. “You must choose between the two.”

The woman thought for a second and replied: “Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose Hell.”

Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stuttered the HR manager, “The other day I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club. We ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there is, is just dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil simply looked at her and smiled, “Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff.”

[erronis]

1. Great one. I had seen this long ago in another guise but it is a nice twist.

[louis-t]

2. Good one. I remember another one...

Something about going to Hell and deciding which room the person wanted to spend eternity in. After viewing several horrendous situations, they come to a room where everyone is standing waist deep in shit, drinking coffee. The person decides that's not too bad, considering how bad the other rooms were, and chooses that room. Ten minutes later, the devil comes in and says "Ok everyone, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."
That one cracked me up in high school.

[TheRickles]

3. Later that same day, a pediatrician, a nurse, and an HMO executive arrived at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter did his usual assessments - the pediatrician said he'd worked all his life to help sick children, so St. Peter let him in. The nurse had spent decades caring for the elderly, so she was let in. The HMO executive said that he had worked for years to optimize health care delivery and access and profitability, so St. Peter let him enter Heaven, but added that he was only authorizing a one week stay.

[LastLiberal in PalmSprings]

4. "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners are much more fun."

Billy Joel, Only the Good Die Young

[JoseBalow]

5. "Oh. You're gonna HATE Wednesdays."

[3Hotdogs]

6. --- and don't you wish that Hell was real?

[Upthevibe]

7. Kick. N/T

[Martin68]

8. This joke could be modified to be about a health insurance executive.

The punchline would be “Yesterday we were wooing you as a customer you, today you’ve got a pre-existing condition.”

[Archae]

9. There was an episode of the old Twilight Zone...

Where a two bit crook gets killed, he goes to a place where he gets everything he ever wanted.
Always.

Girls? He gets them.

Gambling? He wins all the time.

The last line is from his demon handler, "This is the other place!"