'A Disaster Of Idiocy: So This Penguin Came Up To Me'
"Flaunting 'the peculiar Trumpian stupidity,' the mad king's giddy 'liberation' of the global economy - by witlessly slapping tariffs on every country except Russia based on a simplistic, 'insane' formula that instantly crashed U.S. and foreign markets - has been universally slammed. And that was before we learned several tariff targets are in fact remote outcroppings of ice and rock populated by no humans but many freeloading penguins and seals, who thank God won't be 'looting and pillaging' us any more."
"In his announcement we've finally been liberated from being able to buy things from other countries, the fragile, unloved man-child with a terror of being mocked or fleeced based his 'batshit crazy' action on a sociopathic 'you hurt us, we hurt you' world view, wielding random tariffs as a weapon to 'fight back' against countries that have 'taken advantage of us.' 'For decades, our country has been looted, pillaged, raped and plundered by nations near and far,' he said of the richest nation in the world. Holding a big chart of his shiny new tariff plan, he repeatedly trotted out a new word he just added to the 17 he already knows. 'Reciprocal,' he proclaimed, 'That means they do it to us, and we do it to them. Very simple. Can’t get simpler than that.' Or, it turns out, dumber. Evidently orchestrated by some 'willing sycophants,' the moronic method he used to calculate trade and economic figures for every country in the world - except Russia - has been compared to 'a science project by a stoned high schooler.'"
"Ironically, the worst will be the biggest - Microsoft, Amazon, Nike, Meta, Tesla, Target, Lululemon, Dollar Tree - whose supply chains depend on overseas manufacturing, mostly in China or Vietnam; Apple will reportedly see $275 billion in market value wiped out. Overall, the 'uninformed tariff song-and-dance' meant an economy months ago deemed 'the envy of the world' saw markets abruptly plunge into a free-fall that erased nearly $2 trillion from U.S. stocks, a nosedive of over 800 points, the biggest decline in years. Within minutes, over 80% of companies in the S&P 500 were trading lower, a market response traders called 'worse than the worst case scenario.' In one surreal moment, Trump appeared on air declaring, 'Stocks will soar,' even as a split screen showed stocks plummeting in real time. A flood of disastrous headlines quickly followed: Stocks tank,' 'dive,' 'slide,' 'plunge,' 'dip,' 'tumble' as investors 'flee,' along with the broad consensus, 'There really is no positive outcome to this.' So much winning."
https://www.commondreams.org/further/a-disaster-of-idiocy-so-this-penguin-came-up-to-me