Spurious News: Trump trademarks "Alligator Auschwitz," demands licensing fees
PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- Trump calls it "Alligator Alcatraz." Other people have a different name for it.
In June 2025 King Donald Trump ordered the construction of a deportation camp on the taxiway of Dade-Collier Transition and Training Airport. This tent city quickly became known as "Alligator Alcatraz" due to the administration's planned use of the threat of large green apex predators eating escapees as the camp's primary security system. The Left quickly noted this installation's similarity to a concentration camp and nicknamed it "Alligator Auschwitz."
That didn't settle well with King Donald.
"Those traitorous leftists who love illegal aliens raping our children and selling drugs, we're going to make them pay," said King Donald in a press conference at his seaside home. "I bought a trademark for 'Alligator Auschwitz' which means I get to charge licensing fees for its use. From now on, every single time anyone writes or says that disgusting phrase for any reason they'll pay me $10,000. Write a story with it in there five times? Write out a check to Donald Trump for $50,000. And I've got lots of trademark attorneys on retainer to make sure you do."
Trademark attorneys we interviewed were united in their belief the trademark is invalid. Said Mary Elizabeth Smithfield, a trademark attorney in Raleigh, N.C., "I see a few problems here. One is that trademark is the wrong form of protection for Alligator Auschwitz. Trademarks are used when you're selling goods. Alligator Auschwitz provides services - very bad, very wrongheaded ones, but services nonetheless. Alligator Auschwitz would have to be registered as a service mark. Since it wasn't, the registration is "prima facie" invalid. The second is you have to come up with the mark Alligator Auschwitz yourself, or hire someone to create Alligator Auschwitz for you, for it to be protectable. Someone on the Internet created Alligator Auschwitz. Third is that only the agency running Alligator Auschwitz could trademark Alligator Auschwitz; Trump isn't ICE. And he can't use the trademark on Alligator Auschwitz to stifle speech against Alligator Auschwitz; if you wanted to open a different business and name it Alligator Auschwitz that would be an infringing use, but there's such a thing as fair use that he's trying to get around. For instance, if I wanted to write a story about some children around a campfire I could write that the kids were eating Oreos without infringing on Mondelez' trademark for them. I wouldn't have to write that they were eating cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies or some damn thing like that, I could just say they were eating Oreos."
When we pointed out she managed to say Alligator Auschwitz eleven times in one paragraph, she grinned: "I'm trying to get sued over this so as to invalidate the trademark before the Patent and Trademark Office gets the chance to. I know all of Trump's trademark lawyers and they're no good. I teach Intellectual Property law at Duke and my first-year law students could beat those guys like a red-headed stepchild. I'm so looking forward to this case so I can rip them to shreds on national television. I even bought a new suit for the trial. It'll be so much fun."
= new reply since forum marked as read
