JD Vance Rushes To Put Wife's Head Back On After Fumbling Second Lady

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Published: April 17, 2025

WASHINGTON—Completely mortified while watching the body part detach, Vice President JD Vance reportedly rushed Thursday to put his wife’s head back on after fumbling the second lady. “No, no, no, no!” cried out the 40-year-old vice president, who watched in shock and horror as Usha Vance’s head slipped from his grasp and tumbled onto the floor, bouncing off the leg of an end table before rolling underneath the sofa. “I was only trying to pick her up! Well, shit. It’s not too late, I can fix this. If it comes off, that must mean it can go back on.” At press time, the vice president was hoping no one at the state dinner would notice the duct tape on his wife’s neck.

https://theonion.com/jd-vance-rushes-to-put-wifes-head-back-on-after-fumbling-second-lady/

[Tadpole Raisin]

1. The political version of The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat but

Not as interesting and not nearly as pleasant as the fellow in the book.